Republican Dumpster

Friday, December 09, 2005

News From The Gospel

It's back and it's meaner than ever. You good people know what I am refering to; the challenge made by Jon Stewart, host of the Daily Show. Well, I think this should be quiet interesting and has the potential to be just as good as Roe v Wade, without all the legal misgivings. I certainly hope that Bill O'Really answers in the affirmative on this one. We will now look at the Tale of the Tape.

Bill O'Really:
-Host of the O'Really Factor and Really Radio Factor 10 years
-Has had some very good segments about the "Attack on Christmas"
-Has offered no viable or reliable studies to back up said assertions about the removal of "Baby Jesus" from stores, only his thoughts.
-Very dangerous jab, usually from the rear and has been known to use a loofa pad on occasion.
-Clouds the air with incoherant remarks that seem to stun guests into submission
-6'4 and lanky
-215 lbs
-Last fight, KO'd by Howard Stern on the factor and told to "sit back before I slap the piss out of you."

Jon Stewart:
-Host of the Daily Show 2 years
-Has some very interesting segments about politics and current events.
-Has had Bill O'Really as a guest on his show to plug one of his books.
-Very dangerous left hook, usually after falling star has been dazed by truth.
-200 lbs
-Last fight, split decision with Bill O'Really as guest.

Lets go down to ring side with our guest commentators, Chris B. and Al F.

Chris: This should be an interesting battle between one falling star and his replacement, how do you see it Al.

Al: Well Chris, I think you are correct about the falling, I am not sure about the star though. Bill has the reach advantage and that jab is sensational when used from behind. I expect to see Jon hold his own against this aging fighter from the right side of Philly.

Chris: Al, I think Jon will win this, it seems to me that he has truth on his side tonight, not to mention all the fans. He also has displayed that fearsome left hook on occasion and it can be deadly to foes. He is younger and quicker to the punch than the more experienced O'Really and will not have to rely on the loofa Al.

Al: You said something interesting Chris, the loofa has been an important tool in the arsenal of Bill since the Carribean fight in 2004. Bill seems to know exactly when to pull it out and get busy with it. This will be a close one Chris, and I think you are correct, Jon will pull it out in less than 6 rds.

Chris: Lets go inside the ring for the introductions and instruction by the referee.

Announcer Tom: In the blue corner, weighing in at 215 lbs, from the mean streets of Philly, with a professional record of 122-5, with only 5 fights coming by way of KO, he is the King of the Loofa, Billllll O'Realllllllly.

In the red corner, weighing in at 200 lbs, from the subtle suburb of Chicago, with a professional record of 55-0, with only 32 fights coming by way of the KO, he is the King of Political Comedy, give it up for, Jon Stewrrrrrrrt.

The referee for this bout is Judge Joe Brown

Fighters, when I tell you to back away, do it.
If I tell you to go to your corner, do it. There will be no low blows or slander, nor will any bullshit be tolerated, only facts that can be backed up. Each of you will have the opportunity to speak without the other butting in, and there will be no incoherant ramblings. Got It. Now, go to your corner and come out fighting, also, Bill, no unauthorized use of the loofa pad.

Bell: Rd.1

Bill comes out with the usual "you people on the left hate Christians and the Christmas Holidays"
Jon blocks the punch with a fearsome, "Bill, you just said holidays" and then shows the replay.
Jon fires a "show me the evidence that people on the left hate Christians and Christmas"
Bill is back pedaling, he seems to be rambling, Judge Joe breaks it up and takes a point away from Bill.
Jon pounces on the opportunity, "Bill, back up your claim that people on the left hate Christians"
Bill blocks the punch and fires an angry jab, "I think you are all just a bunch of Nazis"
Jon counters with a left hook, "No, the Nazis killed innocent Jews, gays, and anyone that did not fit into their plan, Bill"
Bill is reeling, he cant respond, Judge Joe, is counting, will this be it, it cant be over this quick, 8,9,10, your out.

Al: Chris, its over, I did not think it would have happened this soon and in this fashion.
Chris: It just goes to show you Al, you can run your mouth for so long and tell half truths and mislead, misspeak, and the like. But it will catch up with you.

Thanks for watching the historical event, see you Saturday when Pat"Oh My God" Robertson, squares off against Richard"Evolution"Dawkins in what is shaping up to be a one sided battle that puts the belly pulpit right in the middle of hell.


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